Uneasy

My uncle fell over in the cellar and broke his hip and thigh. Has had an operation involving a rod or a pin or some such and is still in hospital. My mother, his sister, worries, feels helpless and cannot entirely remember the details.

I attended the hospital for a pelvic ultrasound scan this morning. The one where you must have a full bladder so they can see your womb and ovaries through a sort of urine-filled window! My bladder was not full enough first time around, despite following instructions to drink a pint and a half of liquid an hour before, so back to the waiting room to drain cup after cup of water from the cooler (too cool - tea would have been nicer but not on offer). Half an hour later I was 'filled' and the ultrasound woman's warmth and responsiveness more than made up for the cold water and the wait. I have little reason to fear the results, yet the fact I was even there makes me uneasy until they arrive, hopefully middle of next week.

I have applied for a job, counselling in a girls' high school, and am waiting to hear if I have got an interview. Waiting longer than I anticipated, and there's an unease in this too. I so much more than meet all their criteria I was sure they'd interview me. Now a little worm of doubt nibbling.

It's raining today. Dark at five and the outside world is shut out behind the curtains for 15 hours a day. A sense of entering a tunnel. We always come out the other side don't we?