The steady snow outside the window and a cup of tea beside me. I try to reclaim my mind from the rubbish tip where flu has hurled it. I have only been outside the house twice in 12 days - once to move my car last Saturday when snow threatened last time, and I knew I'd need to be able to get it out easily on Monday to go to the surgery; and then on Monday to go for my doctor's appointment, main purpose to secure a sick note for the week. I need to go for a little walk but it will keep snowing and blowing an icy wind not conducive to my recovery. The doctor seemed a little out of step - when I mentioned my aching legs (still!) he said Why are your legs aching? Err, it's a symptom of flu I ventured I was just surprised it went on so long... And when I mentioned this was my first trip out of the house for ten days, he said Why haven't you been out of the house? Err, because I've felt too ill... Just as well all I needed was the sick note for work, I'd have been disappointed if I'd been hoping for anything else. He did listen to my chest, and declare it free from infection, though, which is good to know as I still have a hacking cough. And frankly am still not well - weak and bleak, and jelly-legged, my head still congested. I breathe steam two or three times a day and every time I do I blow my nose vigorously (not too vigorously obviously) and my ears crackle and pop encouragingly, only to revert to the partial deafness as if swimming under water that has been the norm for so long.
But the worst is the depression. My mind is easily hijacked in that direction at the best of times, and the monster has got a stranglehold on it - everything feels like a problem, and mostly the problems are my fault. I am useless and am letting everyone down. Nothing's any good any more and never will be again. So tedious, I just can't find anything loud enough to counter it. Sometimes Radio 3 or Radio 6 Music or Radio 4 works for while. If this is what never doing anything, hardly ever going out, and not having enough to think about does to you, I feel very sorry indeed for my mother whose pretty much permanent situation that is.
6 comments:
Take it easy - small steps at a time. Stupid doctor has clearly never heard of post-viral malaise. Aching legs are a symptom of this. Full-on flu needs plenty of recovery time, patience and kindness to self.
Poor you - a long time to feel so ill and weak. Depression is also a symptom of flu, of course - what weakens the body also undermines mental resilience. And then the frustration of the new job that you're not able to be doing. All wretched, but by definition temporary. Take very good care of yourself and get well soon.
thanks both... the pace of recovery from 'proper' flu is not a thing much talked about - it is s l o w
It. Will. Pass.
And: Spring is around the corner if that's any help
I believe that after a heavy dose of physical sickness, the mind needs to recover maybe even more than the body. Take your time. All will be well again.
Oh dear, poor you. I hope you're feeling a bit better now. But you're certainly not useless! Far from it. You can't help having had flu and it wouldn't have been helpful to have gone to work and spread your germs around.
Perhaps it is looked on as "escapism", but sometimes that's what I need when I'm feeling low. I use movies as a way to keep my mind occupied and my spirits up during times of illness and recuperation. Visiting with my favorite characters, in my favorite places all over the world, always cheers me up.
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