Helter Skelter

Rather a lot going on one way and another. My ultrasound results came back and the receptionist told me the doctor had written on the report normal, no further action required. Relief. Sense of weight lifting, new lease of life. Then the next day an email inviting me for an interview at the girls' school next Wednesday. Good news, but stirs up all kinds of anxiety and complicated feelings I have to take care of....

My uncle will be home from hospital tomorrow, with a whole new set of challenges for him and my aunt, in a house with many steps outside and in. But at least he can get something he likes to eat.

And now... tomorrow I'm off to London, where I shall briefly visit my sister and family, go to a training day about doing therapy with children and young people (the main purpose of the trip), visit old friend K, and then go to visit my mother, also briefly. Back Monday to catch breath before the interview.

Seeya.

Uneasy

My uncle fell over in the cellar and broke his hip and thigh. Has had an operation involving a rod or a pin or some such and is still in hospital. My mother, his sister, worries, feels helpless and cannot entirely remember the details.

I attended the hospital for a pelvic ultrasound scan this morning. The one where you must have a full bladder so they can see your womb and ovaries through a sort of urine-filled window! My bladder was not full enough first time around, despite following instructions to drink a pint and a half of liquid an hour before, so back to the waiting room to drain cup after cup of water from the cooler (too cool - tea would have been nicer but not on offer). Half an hour later I was 'filled' and the ultrasound woman's warmth and responsiveness more than made up for the cold water and the wait. I have little reason to fear the results, yet the fact I was even there makes me uneasy until they arrive, hopefully middle of next week.

I have applied for a job, counselling in a girls' high school, and am waiting to hear if I have got an interview. Waiting longer than I anticipated, and there's an unease in this too. I so much more than meet all their criteria I was sure they'd interview me. Now a little worm of doubt nibbling.

It's raining today. Dark at five and the outside world is shut out behind the curtains for 15 hours a day. A sense of entering a tunnel. We always come out the other side don't we?

Wordless Wednesday

Firework

The wooden stick and unfurling wrapper of a rocket, yellow, blue and red, float in a puddle. Standard the little logo in the corner.

Celebrated

Fireworks that made me laugh so much the tears ran cold down my face under a sky full of stars. Danced my legs down to the knees in front of the wood burner. Sweaty and joyful. A roomful of friends.

Walk

Standing in the mud on the valley side, I look down at white water falling over rocks. Red leaves above and below. Friends in front and behind.

50

About 45 years ago. The girl in the hand-knitted cardigan with the brass buttons, on a beach, in Wales.

And today she wears badges saying 50 and Fantastic and Looking Good, eats chocolate cake baked by her wife, and enjoys a large vase of wonderful autumnal flowers. The cake candles are now stuck around the head of yesterday's carved pumpkin, a little melted but still spelling out HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

She is grateful.

She says yes.