Hatworld

It's back to the land of people who wear hats. In my case a very unbecoming purple fleecy Peter Storm one, that sits like a large pudding on my head. Unbecoming but warm. Sub-zero for several days now, and no sign of a let-up. One big fall of snow on Friday night. The roads are well-gritted as always and getting out and about not a problem. It's beautiful too, with all sorts of different effects of sunlight on snow. Today a strange combination of brightness and foggy clouds so that on our walk this morning we were in bright sunlight, while the valley below had disappeared into a greyish pink mass of cloud. We walked with care, with walking poles, and it was a pleasure, and we remembered to take some old apples for the horses, and one of the special pleasures was the feeling of warm horse-lips on my hand. But it takes about ten minutes to get ready to go out and another ten to remove all the outer layers, boots, hats and so forth when you return. It is hard work living with ice. And it uses up energy like crazy - ours and the planet's. We just had a massive gas bill, the closing one before switching to a (hopefully) cheaper provider. Also hoping that the loft insulation will now begin to make an appreciable difference. It certainly feels warmer, especially upstairs, especially overnight. The heating's off for about nine hours, and yet some appreciable warmth is retained.

I have a work related meeting tomorrow evening and then I'm on holiday for more than two weeks. A strange phenomenon really for me, who works so very little at the moment anyway. I'll put in some time thinking about how I'd like to structure the work at the school - I told them I'd come up with some proposals. And L and I plan to 'brainstorm' about my work situation generally, and other things I might be doing to generate more. Otherwise there will be much time for reflection, writing, resting, reading, cooking, eating, walking, sorting out piles of papers and the enormous backlog in my email inbox. I feel myself drawing in breath, preparing for new beginnings. In the mean time, at times I feel my mind revert to default setting of looking for something to worry about, to dread, or second option on my inner menu - feeling guilty about everything. More meditative pursuits (if that's not an oxymoron) like Feldenkrais help, by nudging me into the experience of the moment, into awareness, out of monkey-mind. Remembering to make that time is always quite a feat.