So, a job interview on Thursday, and on Friday the news I hadn't got it. Deflating after working with the team one day a week for the last four months. On the other hand this job was not truly the greatest fit for my skills and style. But I liked my manager, the building, the team, and the short commute. Struggling in the aftermath with a feeling of falling back into the void - what now? Now not even the one day a week. It's been / being such a trudge back into capacity, into resilience and confidence after the blows of the last 23 months. Yes, in a month it will be two years since G was murdered. Incredible. I have stopped carrying the two stones she gave me everywhere every day (just some days, some places). Driving to the interview on Thursday, I heard her whisper 'you can do this P'. And I did, but someone else pipped me to the post, and this is life...
I fall so easily into despair, and this is what we were talking about when she vanished. Doom, catastrophe and hopelessness. And yet, only a couple of weeks ago I had rediscovered some joy in living, and the other day I actually did some writing! Leave it with me, I'll find my way out of the despair...
2 comments:
I just read this quote by Rebecca Solnit today:
"The possibility of paradise is already within us as a default setting."
You can replace paradise with strength. We are all full of life. And there will another interview, no doubt.
I like that, thank you Sabine
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