A has suffered a setback and is back on antipsychotic medication. Meanwhile, we are all supporting him to start a masters degree this autumn if he is able. Something to aim for. The whole situation is like an ever-changing kaleidoscope image - recognizable pieces again and again in new arrangements. We struggle to know what to do to help. We struggle with our own feelings of desperation. Longing, as my brother said to me last night, for this all just to stop now. To see A well and growing. To be able to stop worrying about him, to stop wondering what we could have done differently at every stage.
Frankly I worry for my own stability. Weeding the allotment today was grounding, and we have a dear old friend staying with us, one who has experience of mental illness in the family, and who is wise and calm. But I feel wretched somewhere deep inside where nothing reaches, and my concentration is not great. This level of disturbance in the family disturbs everyone deeply, and makes normal functioning very very hard, including clear thinking and decision-making about the situation itself, which is why friends are so helpful, especially when they have experience to share.
5 comments:
So sorry for this difficult time anad can only send wishes for things to get better for all of you, and to wish you strength in the journey. Yes, gardening, even weeding is grounding as are other simple physical tasks, long walks, soothing teas and music and good friends. I'm happy that you have such friends.
Me too, what ML said.
Not like a grief from something final that can't and won't change, the uncertainty must be wretched. Hope you keep finding grounding people and things.
Yes -- weeding, touching the earth, seeing friends, cooking -- these are the things that help me. Wishing you some resolution to these troubles, and a long view.
Absolutely in agreement with the other commenters... as you have already discovered, putting your hands in the earth and getting your feet and knees on it, too, is helpful. You're gonna laugh at me, but if you can take a walk out in the countryside (where no one can see you) and find a large tree and wrap your arms around it, lay your cheek against it, you will also feel better. Sending you virtual hugs and all the support and comfort you can hold.
thanks all and no M I'm absolutely not gonna laugh - it's good to be reminded!
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