My nephew is on a low secure psychiatric ward, recovering from a drug-induced psychosis. I have been cagey of saying this but, you know, there is a whole history of secrecy around mental illness which has placed its heavy burden on enough people already. Still does in some circles. It was not that which held me gagged, but the feeling of intense concern for his privacy. Of which I continue to be mindful. My need is to say that this is one of the hardest things I've experienced. His fragility, his powerlessness, his confusion, the distance, the mental health system, the uncertainty of the prognosis, the dubious merits of psychiatric medication. My deep bond with him from babyhood. His mother's early death.
I have never felt so parental, though I've always felt him to be the nearest I have to a child of my own. When someone you love becomes unable to take responsibility for himself, the intense way in which one suddenly feels responsible to them, even for them, is a thing my heart had no preparation for.
I head south again on Friday or Saturday, and hope to be able to stay in his flat, which will make things much easier on all fronts than having to stay at the Travelodge... All I want is to be able to visit him every day. For a few days at a time I shall be able to do so.
10 comments:
The poem in the previous post is superb and heart-wrenching. Go well at the weekend.
Sometimes it just helps to put the bald facts out there in words, contains them, just a bit.
Mind how you go.
Oh, that must feel so bad! This is happening to the young loved ones of too many folk I know for me not to feel that there is just something deeply wrong with the demands society places on young people. I don't know if that makes it more distressing and frightening or less, really. I do know that those who are loved no matter what... well, it makes a difference, even if not quickly. Your pain for him doesn't disappear into a void, I truly believe it doesn't.
My heart goes out to you and your nephew. Take care of yourself while you care for him.
Having been touched by mental illness through a family member, I understand how hard it is to just watch while feeling so helpless. I send positive thoughts your way
Thankyou all for your thoughts and wishes. I am so glad I posted about this.
My heart goes out to you. I know how you feel, as one who has been - is still - there. Indeed, on top of the pain, there is the burden of secrecy around mental illness that makes everything so much harder. As one author with a loved one who is suffering from mental illness put it some time ago, there are no casseroles for schizophrenia ... that is people don't come by the house with offers of help much.
So hard for you, Fire Bird - the suffering of a loved child.
My best wishes for your nephew. It's a tough time, and whatever he says I know it's important to him to have the love of his family now. My partner has mental illness that began in his 20s and he has for the past 20 years been very active in a support organization for people with mental illness. He's doing very well on the right meds for him, saved his life. His friends as well - smart, accomplished people, despite their struggles. Just know that while the early going is often so hard, he'll likely find his feet eventually, with the love and support of people around him.
Oh dear, my sympathy also. Having been with my son-in-law when he was on the point of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital with depression - which didn't seem a good idea to me, but who was I to decide? - my heart goes out to you. Our lad is more or less fine now. Take heart. Things could be very different in a week or two. Meanwhile, look after yourself as well.
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