Eve

Two birds stand on the ridge of the roof opposite, like weather vanes silhouetted against the pale sky. The light is dim but not quite gloomy. Rain and more rain forecast for the coming week. And last night we put the clocks back, so that this afternoon it will be dark around 4.30. And this morning it was light at 7.00. It's Hallowe'en, and the eve of my birthday, and a time of the year that is in my bones more than any other.

This time last year, half term was drawing to a close, my dread of returning to work mounting. There was much that I feared, a great many things were already going badly wrong in my team and in the project, but what met me when I got to our team meeting that November morning, and what unfolded in the course of that terrible day, was worse even than I had imagined. Worse because suddenly the shit came straight at me and scored a direct hit. 'I've made a complaint against you', said one of my team, right in the middle of the meeting, and later my manager's manager told me that the complaint was in fact about my blog. The bottom dropped out of my stomach, and the word 'fuck' fell from my lips. And there began a chapter of horrors the like of which I hope never to repeat. The next day I was suspended on full pay, and never returned to my office or to my duties. Ever. As that year turns, I hope I can leave some of the horror behind, and with this new chapter of self-employment, have a sense of something wholesome and good beginning.

I've just printed out my new leaflet in five different colours. Favourites are two different shades of blue - a turquoise, and more of a sky blue. I need to see what colour paper I can get a large quantity of, but I rather favour the sky. Blue seems to be the theme of my practice - the walls of the therapy room, my business card, the card I've put on noticeboards, and now the leaflet too. And this coming week I'll deliver leaflets to F, a very helpful local therapist who will pass them on to interested parties, and display them where she works.

Tomorrow is not only my birthday, but also the start of NaBloPoMo. I plan to post every day in November, as a decisive antidote to last November, every day of which was a nightmare. The exception will have to be next Saturday, as we're going to Arnside for the weekend, over on the West coast, on the Kent Estuary that opens into Morecambe Bay. I'll post before we go on the Friday, and when we return on the Sunday, but the lovely looking apartment we've taken, though well-appointed, does not boast wi-fi, so that is that!