Rainy Sunday

It's been raining all day, and I have cleaned out the fridge (surprisingly satisfying, and not something I do very often - probably why it was satisfying...), listened to Celia Imrie on Desert Island Discs, and completed my e-learning for the Census job. I then took the assessment questionnaire, in which I was required to achieve 85% or more in an unlimited number of attempts. It took me two to get 97%, which brings back the feeling of smug satisfaction of doing well in a test at school! I now know all about the codes you have to fill in on your little forms when you visit houses to collect unreturned forms, and how to issue replacement forms and additional forms (and woe betide you if you get the codes wrong for these). I should point out that I was able to check the answers in my Census Collector manual, but the trick is knowing which section to look in! It's a bit mad to get all genned up now, when the job doesn't start until 21st March. But there. That's if it does start of course...

The last few days have been difficult. The reference issue finally came to a head this week. My former manager, D, had never received the reference request from the school, as she's now based somewhere different and I didn't know, so they'd sent it to the old address. They emailed her a reminder and so did I, and it transpired she was just going into hospital (reason unknown but it sounded planned). She said she'd be back at work four days later and would do it then. But then... I got an email from the HR manager of Children's Charity plc, saying she'd received the email request from D, was out of the office for several days, and could I email her the reference wording we'd agreed when I left. I have no idea why she couldn't get this from head office. I can only assume they'd lost it. I emailed it to her with few other words. This required restraint. She later copied me into the reference as sent to the school - essentially the agreed wording plus minimal greeting and sign off. I knew from my other referee that the request had been a form with a series of questions, including number of sick leave days, and the dreaded 'any disciplinary action on file' question. My little two-paragraph reference, glowing, but not answering any of the questions except dates of employment, and how well I carried out my duties, was all they were going to get. Then the same thing happened with the Census reference.

I went into meltdown, convinced that no prospective employer would accept this, and would immediately smell a rat if questions like the disciplinary one, and 'would you employ this person again, and if not why not?' were not answered. Convinced they would simply go back to them and ask again, possibly by telephone. I panicked, and then I fell down a black hole in which I was convinced I'd never be able to get employment again. For a few hours, I thought we'd be selling up and moving back to the old house. I am no longer in meltdown, but I have to say it remains true that the school or the Census people could request further information if they're worried. I have no way of knowing whether they will or not - whether the glowing nature of the existing wording will be enough to override other concerns. Or whether they'll think that even though I clearly did well in the job, something must have gone wrong later...

A fairly lengthy surf about the internet on the subject of reference protocols, legalities etc revealed some slightly reassuring information. Former employers are actually not legally obliged to provide references at all, and some have a policy of not doing so, others have a policy of not answering the standard questions sent to them. Some just provide dates and confirmation of post and duties. However, it is common practice to give 'resigned pending diciplinary proceedings' as the 'reason for leaving' if it is so, since employers are not supposed to withold information about disciplinary sanctions imposed, which could be information that would prevent the new employer employing someone who might otherwise go on to damage their business/ organisation etc etc. Blah di blah di blah. You can drive yourself mad with this stuff, just like health issues or car trouble, by trying to find out about them on the web. However, I managed to use the information to make me feel better not worse, and that is where I am determined to stay. Deep breaths. Find something else to clean or learn, or read or write. Cook dinner. Keep breathing. Trouble is I don't know how long I need to go on waiting to find out if the sword of Damocles will fall on my head. When's the all clear?